Because of You
by Dragonfly Rider
Summary: Second fic in the Secrets Series. Akasha reflects on her past her father died, and her mother never got over the blow. Cowritten by Canadian Pierate Queen. [OneShot] Story better than summary.


A/N: I'm baaack! Actually, this fic was mostly written by Canadian Pierate Queen. I did very little of it. The only reason we're posting it on my account is because it features my character.BTW,this fic isn't really a songfic, because theshe's singing it, if you know what I mean.

Disclaimer:If we owned TMNT, doyou honestly think wewould be writing fics about it ifwe couldput it on TV instead? WE DON'T OWN 'EM! Stupid lawyers.

**Because of You**

I lie down on my bed, and listen to the radio deep in my own thoughts. In my hand is a picture of a middle-aged man swinging a little girl in his arms. The man was my father, before he died. The girl is me when I was younger.

A song comes on the radio, and I recognize it as my favorite. I start to sing along.

"_I will not make the same mistakes that you did._

_I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery._

_I will not break the way you did you fell so hard._

_I've learned the hard way to never let it get that far."_

I remember what happened to my mother when my father died. She had disappeared inside herself. She stopped eating, locking herself in her room for days at a time. I had to grow up fast in order to live. My mother no longer was willing to take care of me, or anyone for that matter, not even herself.

"_Because of you I never stray to far from the sidewalk_

_Because of you I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt _

_Because of you I find it hard to trust not only me but everyone around me _

_Because of you I am afraid."_

It had been hard, of course. I was fighting not to be like my mother and disappear like she had. I was no longer the happy bouncing little girl swinging in his arms. For those first few weeks I focused completely on not thinking about it. And because of that, my grades started declining, and I lost all of my friends. So, for the first time in my life, not only was I father-less, but an outcast.

"_I lose my way and it's not to long before you point it out. _

_I cannot cry because I know that's weakness in your eyes. _

_I'm forced to fake a smile a laugh every day of my life. _

_My heart can't possibly break when it wasn't even whole to start with."_

I close my eyes tight, holding back the tears that have threatened to spill for years. I have never yet cried for my father's death. It isn't because I am heartless, or that I hated him. No, it was simply because I don't want to seem weak. In anyone's eyes. I have to be strong.

"_I watched you die, I heard you cry every night in your sleep_

_I was so young; you should have known better then to lean on me _

_You never thought of anyone else, you just saw your pain_

_And now I cry in the middle of the night for the same damn thing"_

My mother got progressively worse; sometimes it felt as if I was the only one in my house at all. But then I would hear her weeping, and I would remember the cold hard reality of the situation. The situation that still resounds through out my entire being.

"_Because of you I never stray to far from the side walk_

_Because of you I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt_

_Because of you I try my hardest just to forget everything _

_Because of you I don't know how to let anyone else in _

_Because of you I'm ashamed of my life my life because it's empty _

_Because of you I am afraid_

_Because of you"_

Past memories flood up in a wave engulfing me in sorrow. I try to push them down in an attempt to forget. But it doesn't work, it never has.

* * *

Raph watched Akasha from outside her window. He'd come to see if she'd like to come down to the lair and spar with them. It was her favorite pastime. He'd hopped onto the fire escape about to tap on the window. He stopped however when he heard someone singing softly along with music in a tear-choked voice. Peering in through the glass confirmed his assumption that it was indeed Akasha singing along with the radio. 

Taking a closer look he noted the picture gripped in her hand, though he was to far away to make it out. He cocked his head to one side. It was so unlike Akasha to cry about anything. He wondered what had upset her.

Akasha sat up on her bed and hugged her pillow, burying her face in it, the photograph still clutched in her hands. Raphael felt he was intruding on something secret and private, something he should not see. But he was unable to tear his eyes away. She looked so sad. He wanted to go in and comfort her, but he didn't want to disturb her. As he watched thorough the misting glass sobs wracked her body. She took a deep breath and swung her legs off the bed. She kissed the picture and carefully set in down on her bedside table.

Akasha rubbed her eyes and shook her head to clear it before hopping off her bed and stretching. Looking around, she noticed the strangely turtle-shaped shadow cast from the window. Sighing, she went over to it.

* * *

I opened the window. Raphael crouched there, blinking in the bright light cast from my room. 

"Uh, hi, Asha," he began. "I was jus'…"

"How long've you been there?" I asked dully. He looked slightly tacken aback.

"Er, a little while…"

She motioned toward her bed. "Wanna sit?" He obliged.

"You sure you're OK, Ash?" Raph inquired.

I looked up to the sky through the window, watching a few birds flutter past.

"I'll be okay," I answered.

After all, life stops for no one. And I for one don't want to be left behind.

Fin

A/N:

Canadian Pierate Queen: Hey! This is our first co-authorship story and my first story, so we hope you enjoyed it! The last line is not a quote. I made it up in two seconds of bordom. Now, REVIEW! Flames will be used to boil water for hot chocolate on cold days that will be coming to us Canadians.

Dragonfly Rider: Here here! (raises mug of hot chocolate)


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